Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I used to be a crack whore.

I was looking for jobs this morning, when all of a sudden my computer forced me to abc.com where I had to watch a mandatory episode of Modern Family. In the Delgado-Pritchett storyline, Manny's father comes for a visit. There's a semi-endearing scene (I say "semi" as a compliment. The show is hilarious and never ventures into Full House-let's-learn-a-lesson-about-love-and-ignore-the-fact-that-the-living-situation-with-"Uncle"-Joey-is-weird. Side note: Totally watched Full House as a kid, but maybe Danny Tanner should add Megan's Law as a favorite on his Mac. Just sayin'.)

So. This semi-endearing scene. Jay and Manny's father are playing pool, and Jay mentions how he used to ride motorcycles and used to play baseball.

"Used to," Manny's father says. "Saddest phrase in any language."

For a sappy moment, I thought to my little gullible self, Wow. He is so right. People should never give up. They should always continue to do what they love. Why, Oprah, why?!

But then I thought of more endings to the phrase "used to."

"I used to be a crack whore."

"I used to shit myself as a baby."

"I used to drink Listerine when there was no alcohol in the house and then dance naked to Debbie Gibson on my balcony."

See? All "used to"s aren't sad. (Que bittersweet piano music.) In conclusion, DJ, it's good to continue loving your sisters, but you should really stop hanging out with that skank Kimmy Gibbler. She's only gonna bring you down.

Aaaand scene.

5 comments:

  1. I used to not procrastinate and actually do work instead of checking blogs. :p

    Nah, I'm lying. I never used to do that.

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  2. so weird! I also used to shit myself as a baby!

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  3. That is too funny!
    I took a chance and clicked your link at another site. You're pretty darn funny and write well. If you don't mind, I'm going to follow along.
    thanks

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  4. Way to find the silver lining in a cloud. I think.
    Very funny post.

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  5. Kimmy Gibbler was totally a skank! Perhaps now a crack whore?

    What about "I used to wear stretch pants with oversized sweatshirts?"

    You are hilarious lady!!

    ReplyDelete